I was lucky enough to live the first six weeks of my chemo treatments with minimal side effects.  I am so very thankful for that.  However, from week seven and each week since, the days after treatment are getting worse and worse.  Let me just say I would not wish this on my worst enemy.  I know that the drugs are attacking the tumor because I can physically feel that it has shrunk in size.  But those same drugs are also attacking me, my day-to-day life, my bodily functions, and sadly, some days, my spirits.

The nausea is relentless from Wednesdays to Fridays now.  Not only does nothing sound good to eat, the smells, the sounds, and even just the sight of food triggers my gag reflex.  

Poor Paul.  He is so good to me.  This past Thursday (Happy 4th of July) was likely my worst day yet.  He was determined to get some food in me, especially since the clinic was closed and I couldn’t go get a hydration bag.  He was willing to make or order anything that sounded good.  He went to Wal-Mart specifically to get me some Mac-n-Cheese, came home and cooked it, for me to take one bite and spit it in the trash.  Next on the “maybe” menu was butter noodles.  Same story.  He cooked it, I took one bite, and it was a no-go.  Following that was the thought of some rice and black beans, something that had been a win for me in previous weeks.  So after dumping the two previously cooked meals in the trash, he ventured into the kitchen yet again to try to do anything to get some food in me.  He cooked up the rice and beans, brought them to me on the couch, and this time was even worse than before.  My body revolted, wanting nothing to do with the boring bland food he was providing.  I started throwing up, and more (I will just leave it at that).  Thankfully, after getting cleaned up, I was able to stomach about half a glass of a protein shake before simply passing out from exhaustion.

I was so grateful that the clinic was open Friday, because that meant I could go get fluids and IV nausea meds.  I have learned that this is a God-send these days and really helps to get over the hurdle of the side effects.

I have heard many people say things like “Jami, you make this look so easy,” or “Jami, you are always in such great spirits!”

First of all-if you are seeing me in-person, out in society, or even posting on social media, it is a good day.  But take note that you do NOT see me out in public on Tuesdays through Fridays.  You won’t.  It’s not pretty.

But also know that if you see me on Saturday, Sunday or Monday, and I look normal (sans hair), I am a trained actress.  I grew up not only on-stage and behind the camera, but I grew up in the pageant world too.  This means I won’t let you see me struggle.  I have a very tight-knit core group of people who are allowed to see me at my worst.  But let me just say-this is REAL crappy!

I know most people in the world are well-intentioned.  I know most people don’t intend to say hateful or hurtful things.  But it happens.

Show me in the word where it says, “God won’t give you more than you can handle.”

NEWS FLASH–It never says that in the Bible!  I know the truth to be that God is by my side through this.  He didn’t GIVE me this.  He wants me healthy.  I know that God will help me walk through this unthinkable storm and He renews my strength each day.  God doesn’t give us what we can handle.  God helps us handle what we are given.

Another one I have heard time and again, “Everything happens for a reason.”

Are you telling me that I was SUPPOSED to get Cancer?  I call B.S.   Am I using my diagnosis to reach out to other people who are struggling?  Yes.  Have I gained new friendships because of this?  Yes.  That is because my God gives them bouquets of roses instead of ashes, Messages of joy instead of news of doom, a praising heart instead of a languid spirit. (Isaiah 61:3-4)

Another natural occurrence in human nature is the fact that, in society, when interacting with people, it is natural for us to look for commonalities in order to make small talk.  That is how friendships start.  That is how we get to know more about someone new or someone whom we don’t know much about.  But let me give you a bit of advice: CANCER should NEVER be that commonality for a conversation with someone you don’t already have relationship with-especially if the outcome was anything less than beautiful.

I don’t want to hear about your relative that has cancer.

I don’t want to hear about your neighbor’s best friend that struggled for years of chemo.

I don’t want to hear about your sister’s aunt who died.

I don’t want to hear about any of it!

Just don’t!

Other suggested topics that are better for small talk rather than cancer:

• Religion
• Politics
• Personal Finances

Get the idea…Cancer should be one of the “Do not talk about to a stranger” topics.

Holy Cow!  There are not enough words in the English language to convey how blessed I am by my community.  I have said several times in this journey that I just don’t know how people get through a battle with cancer without the amazing people that I have in my life.  I have THE BEST HUSBAND in the whole wide world.  I have THE MOST GRACIOUS and GIVING parents to ever walk the Earth.  I have the MOST SELFLESS best friend ever.  I am gifted with friends and extended family that remind me daily that they are supporting me, both with prayer, with physical gifts, and with acts of service.

It is also not lost on me how blessed I am to still be able to make a great income, and even build a new business, while going through this battle.  

Scentsy came into my life 15 years ago and helped me to step away from teaching in the classroom.  Since then, it has allowed me so many opportunities and gifts.  But I am more thankful now than ever for my business.  Since I have worked so hard to grow my team and grow my customer base, I am now afforded the time to step away when needed to focus on my health and resting my body.

Since I talked about how awesome Scentsy is, the government makes me share this link.

I am so blessed to be surrounded by an amazing store owner and staff at JADE on Main in Broken Arrow that helps keep my clothing business, Rindy’s Retro, taken care of.  They have been so amazing to check on my room daily and make sure it is picked up and taken care of to my standard.  Not only that-this staff has become extended family and continue to check in on me and take care of me by providing needed items.  JADE is not just a store-it’s family.

Lastly, let’s talk about that “beauty from ashes” and how God is not just sustaining me, but helping me to grow a new business even during tragedy.  It’s still so much of a work in progress, but if you are reading this right now, you are a part of what God is calling me to do-something in the world of writing, sharing, and spreading His goodness.  It’s still unfolding and I can’t wait to see what it becomes.

I have some BIG, HUGE decisions coming up that are crazy stressful.

When I first received my diagnosis and my treatment plan, I took a bit of time to look at my options of naturopathic treatment, holistic care, and traditional medicine.  But if I am honest, I was afraid to “buck the system” because I knew my cancer was super invasive and fast-growing.  I wasn’t willing to take a chance.  I opted for the traditional medicine path, and had a peace about it.

I have two more treatments of Taxol/Carbo and then I am supposed to start Adriamycin paired with Cyclophosphamide  AKA “The Red Devil”.  There is zero peace.  This drug combo is NASTY and I don’t want to do it!  Also, my tumor has shrunk.  I know it has because I can physically feel a size difference.  So, we have decided to take a break after these two more treatments.  During this break, I will have some tests run, I will be talking to several different doctors and surgeons, and also talking to several different friends who have been through their own battles.  We are questioning everything and every treatment.  We want to make sure that we are choosing the perfect path for me and not just following “protocol”.  There are so many different ways to go about battling cancer and we want to choose the path that is the best for my body.  Check my prayer requests for specific petitions.