Here is the SHORT story of the long journey of the past few weeks:

After interviewing doctors at two of the three desired facilities, it was evident that either one would be an excellent choice.  They both agreed on the treatment plan.  They both came recommended by either a friend or a church family member.  They were both at very CLEAN and up to date facilities (my past clinic really lacked in this area).  They both claimed that they could get me in quickly to resume treatment.  It was a really tough decision, but it came down to two deciding factors.  If we went with the treatment center within a large hospital in town, we had access to two things that the specialty facility did not have: a MyChart system where I could converse with nurses and doctors without having to make a phone call, and a weekend infusion center to visit if I needed fluids or meds on the weekend.  Whew!  Decision made!

On August 13th, I called both places and let them know that I had made a decision on my care and we were ready to go.  This is where the frustration with the “system” escalates.  The chosen doctor supposedly started the insurance approval system marking it URGENT.  At the same time, I personally called my insurance company to let them know the situation, to be looking for the paperwork, and again stated the URGENCY to make this happen.  I checked with both the doctor’s office and my insurance company almost daily for a week.  Each started blaming the other that there were issues in the process.  But I had been told that URGENT situations would receive approval or denial within 3 business days.  Yet, I still received no answers.

On August 20th, a full week since starting the process, as I was wandering the aisles of Target, I received a call from my surgeon.  This doctor was not involved in THIS process at all, so I was confused as to why he was calling.  Basically this is how the convo went:

Dr.: Hey Jami, I know the last time we spoke, you were seeking other opinions.  That was a while ago.  Are  you in treatment now?

Me: No.

Dr.: Please tell me you are going to finish the chemo regimen suggested.  It is the best course of action for you.  

Me: I would love to finish the chemo, but I can’t seem to make it happen.  The BIG cancer specialty place told me I can’t get an appointment until November.  I chose to go with the other hospital here in town, but I am now in an insurance loophole of everyone blaming the other person as to why I can’t get approved for treatment.  I am frustrated!

Dr.: Is there a reason you didn’t go with the specialty hospital here in town?  Was there something wrong with that doctor?  Would you consider seeing him?

Me: No.  We liked that facility and that doctor.  It really came down to knowing (or thinking) that either was a good choice and we just decided on the other.  At this point, I just want treatment so I can get this over with and get on with my life!

Dr.: Okay.  That doctor is a friend of mine.  I am going to personally call him and let him know what is going on and see what they can do.

Finally!  I had a doctor that was truly concerned about the well-being and healing of their patient!  Now I know that there are many doctors out there that love their patients and become doctors so they can help people.  I just have a very bitter taste in my mouth of the medical system lately and I have become very jaded.

My surgeon made that connection the next day, Wednesday, August 21st and by Friday, the clinic had called and scheduled a time to restart my chemo journey.  And I still hadn’t heard from the hospital where I had hoped to continue treatment.

I was scheduled to have a chemo treatment this past Monday, but there was a miscommunication at the clinic that has caused it to be pushed back to tomorrow, Thursday, August 29th.  Fingers Crossed that I get chemo tomorrow.

I have been asked many times, “How are you mentally surviving this?”

I only have one answer: FAITH!

 There are many times throughout this journey that I have been at the end of my rope, stressed out, frustrated, and not even knowing how to pray.  It is at those times that I choose to do one of two things: either crank up the praise and worship music and sing my heart out, or simply take a huge deep breath.

Some people say that when you take a big cleansing breath, you are actually breathing the name of God-YHWH.  Upon looking into this idea, I discovered that this thought is actually controversial and many Biblical scholars would debate that this is not true.  I have read that YHWH is not the name of God, but rather the words “one who is” which would connect more accurately with the scriptures in Exodus 3:14.  Moses asks God what His name is, and the Lord replies with “I am who I am.”  Other scholars claim that YHWH is a verb that translates to “he is.”  Regardless of where you are on the debatable meaning of the Hebrew word, when I take that cleansing breath, and consciously mouth those consonants, YHWH, the ONLY THING on my mind is me bowing down at the feet of Jesus and crying out to Him because I have no Earthly way to speak my needs.

It is then that I picture myself crawling up into the lap of my Savior.  I picture him holding me like my Daddy used to do when I was a little girl.  It is then that I don’t have to explain my needs, because all I need is Him.